Lost in Him Read online

  I send her a flat stare. “It’s just over three hours by plane. Very accessible.”

  My father steeples his fingers. “How will you fund this excursion?”

  “I’ve saved every cent from the bookstore.” The job is a small allowance they afforded me after a heated debate on my eighteenth birthday.

  My mother sips from her wine, deciding to rejoin the initiative. “How will you survive financially on that piddly sum, dear? They pay you only—what, twenty-five dollars an hour? The lifestyle you’re accustomed to will burn through that in a week.”

  “Fifteen dollars an hour,” I correct her. The look of shock and surprise on both my parents’ faces is almost worth the admission. “I’ll find another job.”

  If necessary, I have the money my grandfather left me to stay afloat while I decide what direction to take. It doesn’t hurt that the place I’m staying is extremely affordable. I could probably last there for a year without having to worry. But by no means do I plan to be an idle mooch for long. I want to gain a solid foundation for myself to stand on. Step away from my family’s shadow. That’s another trick I learned from Dr. Belle. I’m going to reinvent myself for the better.

  It will be an adjustment, but I’m prepared to prove myself. Not to mention determined. My stubborn streak reaches far and wide, a trait I inherited from Father Dearest.

  “You’re not properly trained for any lucrative career options.” My father’s reminder is salt in a festering wound.

  I can’t conceal my wince. “Who says I need training to find a job?”

  Allister grunts while smoothing a palm down his tie. “Any business worth working for. Whoever hires a pampered socialite hellbent on reckless behavior is a fool.”

  “And I look forward to meeting them.” I jut my chin.

  He crosses his arms, seeming to arrive at a decision. “That makes one of us. We’ll send Henry with you. He’ll protect you until your rational logic returns.”

  The cramp in my belly clenches tight before easing with a whoosh. My independence doesn’t have a price tag. “A hired guard to spy on me? Not happening.”

  “You expect me to approve this charade without trusted eyes on you?”

  “Yes,” I rush to say. “I’ll give you the address and rental site information.”

  His unyielding force wavers, a steep frown betraying him. “What good is that from where I sit?”

  I take a risk, reaching to rest a palm over his fist. “Don’t worry about me. I took care of myself just fine after deciding not to marry Nathaniel. And that location wasn’t meticulously researched beforehand.”

  “Reckless,” my father spits.

  “But it did the trick in a pinch.” I never revealed where I ran off to in November. That’s a secret spot I intend to keep, just in case. They don’t need to know.

  All they ever aspired for me to become was polished arm candy. But I’ll prove I’m worth far more than a lucrative merger.

  My parents exchange a glance thick with indecision. It’s my mother who pipes up. “I’ll agree on one condition.”

  As if that will deter me one way or another. “What is it?”

  “You’ll answer when I call.”

  My lashes flutter fast enough to cause a gust. “I’ll do my best.”

  It’s my father’s turn to set his terms. He leans forward, the chair groaning with effort. “If you come across any… gentlemen that spark an interest, I expect a complete background check to land on my desk prior to any entanglements.”

  Another ridiculous request I have every intention of ignoring. That doesn’t stop me from pasting on a patronizing grin. “Sure, Father. You’ll hear the moment a guy so much as crosses my path.”

  Gravel crunches beneath the tires as I approach my home for the next three months. At first glance, the log cabin is just as described—quaint, rustic, and cozy. I can’t leave out what I’m most excited about, either—the secluded factor.

  Trees swaddle the clearing that the wooden lodge is nestled in. A mirrored reflection from the lake glitters in the background. The sight has an instantaneous impact on me, dislodging the knot between my shoulder blades. In all my years, I’ve never seen anything quite so serene. Not that I’ve experienced much beyond the scope of my father’s choosing. That lens is currently blowing wide open. This isolated treasure cove is all mine.

  The engine’s quiet hum almost seems invasive. With a quick stab to the ignition button, that mechanical purr putters before falling silent. The resulting hush crackles along my nerves. Only wilderness remains, beckoning me in with a welcome embrace.

  I step from the car in a whimsical trance. The quiet is absolute and startling. I’m almost afraid to breathe for fear of disrupting the peace. My craziest, most inventive imagination couldn’t conjure this level of natural beauty. Branches sway with a soft breeze while birds chirp to announce my arrival. It’s the optimal location to begin again.

  A smile quirks my lips at the reminder. I’m taking a page from Dr. Belle’s book and reinventing myself. She’s got the right idea, if my rapidly growing confidence is any indicator. Penelope Blaire Charleston Winchester is no more. I tip my face to the sky while walking toward the porch. Pride radiates from me as the past melts away. The identity I have been forced to endure my whole life has shed from me—sliced and cropped into a sleek Penny Blaire.

  The lockbox opens with a click, releasing the key into my waiting palm. That slight weight hitting my skin feels like salvation. I don’t hesitate to stride inside my fresh start.

  Feet twirling in a slow circle, I study the modest interior. Fresh linens and sunshine fill my nose as I breathe deep. It’s small, but it’s beautiful. The layout is similar to a studio apartment, with only the bathroom separated from the rest. A clever furniture arrangement creates division across the single room. Wood boards and warped metal are used as paneling. Thick logs have been repurposed into several cute decorative pieces. Some might consider it plain or cramped, but I see endless potential sitting on each surface.

  My mood soars higher as I explore farther into the space. There’s nothing boastful or showy about this place. It’s practical in design and purpose. The space is neat, tidy, and well maintained. Random knickknacks and personal touches grace the walls and shelves, revealing the owner’s modern style. Every item appears unique, chosen specifically to fit with the other pieces in this rare collection.

  In short, it’s simply everything I’ve been missing.

  A shrill tune cracks into my peaceful bubble. I dig the pesky interruption from my pocket, but all traces of irritation vanish when I glance at the screen.

  “Hey, Lou.” Happiness dances from my voice.

  My bestie huffs down the line. “Oh, you do remember I exist.”

  I laugh at her dramatics. “How could I forget the greatest friend to ever grace me with her awesomeness?”

  “Yet you left me,” she mutters.

  “The invitation still stands. You already skipped out on my birthday.” I walk my fingers along the blue sofa, similar in shade to the still waters tempting me to take a swim. The fabric is plush and alluring, so I collapse onto the cushions with a sigh.

  Meanwhile, a strangled noise escapes Elouise. “Don’t put that blame on me. You were very specific about this trip being your gift.”

  “To myself,” I laugh. “Feel free to stop by and share a cupcake with me.”

  “I can’t survive in that inhospitable climate. This girl needs heat and beaches.”

  I glance out the window. Warmth bathes the land while a sandy shore hugs the lake. “There are both right where I stand. This isn’t Antarctica.”

  “Might as well be in the winter.”

  “Good thing it’s summer, huh? I planned accordingly.”

  Another affronted noise squeaks from her. “It’s happening already.”

  I pucker my lips in return, fully aware she can’t see the expression. “And what, dare I ask, is that?”

  “You’re drinking the pu
nch and it’s spiked with Minnesota nice.” A low hum as she arrives at some decision. “You’ll never leave.”

  My eyes roll on their own. “Okay, Drastic Donna. The rental agreement is set for three months. I’ll be outta here by mid-August.”

  “And back in Tampa?”

  “Absolutely not.” The very idea squeezes my throat in a tangled knot.

  “Brat,” she mutters. “I’ll never see you again.”

  I stand from the pillowy comfort with a stretch. “That’s not possible. We’re life partners.”

  “Could’ve fooled me.”

  “Don’t be salty. You’re rarely in Florida,” I counter with a huff of my own.

  My bestie is a high fashion model constantly on the go. If I hadn’t told her before leaving, it probably would’ve been several weeks before she noticed my absence. Not that she’d ever acknowledge our growing distance—purely physical, of course.

  Elouise sighs, still carrying on in airy exasperation for several seconds. “Just admit it. You abandoned me.”

  “Not even a little bit,” I retort.

  “Whatever. Give me the tour.” A rhythmic alert chimes in my ear as she requests to FaceTime.

  I accept with a laugh. “Can’t wait? I just walked in the door.”

  Her beautiful smile is prepared to charm me. “Then it’s perfect timing. We’ll wander together and get the vibe of this humble abode that stole you away.”

  “All right,” I agree and tap the screen to flip the camera.

  Elouise appears riveted at the view of my main living section. “That couch is super cute.”

  “And extra squishy. My butt approves.” I pivot to showcase the kitchen and dining area.

  “Good thing you aren’t staying with anyone else. That table barely seats two.”

  I shrug while turning to the bed and dresser pressed against the south wall. “One spot is all I need.”

  “You’re being awfully modest.”

  “This is the new me.”

  “Penny Blaire,” she coos.

  “Has a fancy ring to it, eh?”

  “So posh.” Elouise leans closer as I approach the last corner left to explore.

  The bathroom is narrow and short, but the tub is clawfoot with a stainless spout that gleams in the sunlight. The urge to scrub the flight and drive from my clammy skin suddenly takes top priority. “And that’s the end.”

  A slim brow cocks upward. “Where’s the rest?”

  “What do you mean? I showed you the entire thing.”

  “That’s it?” Her tone reaches shrill levels, as if the very thought is offensive.

  “You act like this is a dingy shack.” Defensive barbs steel my voice.

  “Well,” she scoffs. “Not far off, if I’ve seen all of it.”

  I frown at her pinched expression. “How very snobbish of you.”

  “Oh, please. We were raised in filthy riches. What you’re currently drowning in has me concerned for your sanity. Where’s the television?”

  “I have my iPad.”

  “Please tell me there’s Wi-Fi.” She very well might implode if I don’t.

  “It’s super fast. And the cell reception is good too.” Those details were listed in bold on the rental website. I may want to reinvent my life and take some time away, but that’s far from wanting to go completely off-grid.

  “Thank goodness for small miracles. There’s no way I believe you’re—”

  “I’m happy. Very much so,” I interrupt. Heat flares across my cheeks at her assumption otherwise.

  Elouise must catch the conviction vibrating from me since the camera is still pointing at my surroundings. “Okay, sorry. It’s just not what I was expecting.”

  “Then it’s a good thing you’re not living here.” I offer a final span of the cabin to emphasize my point.

  “What little there is looks nice. I especially like the wood furniture.”

  My gaze trails to a bookshelf that fits just right underneath the window. “It’s almost as if the pieces are made for this place.”

  “Maybe they were.”

  I tap the screen to flip the view back on me. “It’s probably a local vendor. Maybe I’ll find a shop on my adventures in town.”

  She nods while studying me. “Do your parents know how you’re living?”

  I give her a flat stare for that comment. “They know enough.”

  Her lips quirk at the edges. “I still can’t believe they released you from their clutches. Willingly, I might add.”

  “As if they had a choice.”

  “Oooooh,” she exhales with added flair. “Someone found her backbone.”

  “And proud of it.”

  “You go, girl. I’m proud of you too.” Elouise lifts a palm as if we can exchange a high-five.

  I return the gesture. “Thanks, Lou.”

  “Still butt hurt that you left me.”

  “We’ll see each other soon. Come visit me.” My tone borders on a plea purely for her benefit.

  “Where will I sleep?”

  “We can share the bed, like old times.”

  “What are we going to eat?”

  A scoff signifies my waning patience. “Didn’t you hear about the local restaurants? Besides, I can cook.”

  “Yeah,” she snorts. “Okay.”

  Now I give her a glare. “I’m not completely inept. Believe it or not, I already stopped at the market to get basic supplies.”

  Her hand flutters to her chest. “That’s shocking. Like, actually.”

  “Thanks for the overflowing confidence.” My eyes roll on their own agenda.

  “You’re welcome. And just for that, I’ll consider a visit. Very short.” She holds up a sliver of space between her thumb and index finger.

  “Better than nothing,” I accept with a shrug.

  “Aren’t you going to be lonely? Let’s face the truth, Penny. You’re a social butterfly who needs a flock.”

  “Do butterflies have flocks?”

  She mutters something unintelligible under her breath. “That’s beside the point. You’ll be climbing up the walls soon enough out there in the sticks.”

  “The town isn’t far from here. I spotted a few bars and restaurants while driving through. Maybe that’s where I’ll have dinner.”

  “Alone?” She sounds horrified by the prospect.

  “The goal isn’t to remain alone for long,” I tease.

  “Ah, right. Get some. It’s about time.” Elouise dances in place, shoulders shimmying.

  “I’m in no hurry.” But a thrill zips through my belly at the potential company I might find. More uncharted territory to conquer on this trip.

  “Yeah, yeah. You’re soul searching, not looking for a date. The last thing I need is for you to find Prince Charming and move there permanently.”

  “Might not be so bad. You can rent the neighboring cabin and find your own happily ever after.” I saw a few while searching for mine.

  She inspects her flawless manicure, brushing off invisible dust. “Maybe I’ll take you up on that. I’m already bored.”

  “It’s been three days since I saw you. Isn’t Kyler keeping you occupied?” The jest in my voice is a jovial beat.

  Her cringe is exaggerated. “Ugh, gross. That’s so over.”

  I predicted that outcome after noticing his obsession with his own reflection. “You’ll find someone better.”

  “Obviously,” she mutters. “That bar isn’t set high.”

  Which gets me thinking of a more suitable companion. “I might get a dog.”

  “What?” Her pitch raises several octaves.

  “A dog,” I repeat. “There’s a shelter not far from the main road. Already did my research.”

  My parents never allowed pets at our house. That’s probably one reason I’m eager to fill that bitter emptiness in my heart. But more than that, I’ve always been an animal lover. There’s a gnawing ache inside of me that’s desperate to be soothed. I’d probably fill this cabin with f
urry friends if I could.

  As if hearing the direction of my internal desires, Elouise cuts through the silence. “How will you get the pound pooch home when this trip is done?”

  I think on that, my eyes straying to the window and picturesque view beyond. “Where’s home?”

  A pained noise escapes her. “I’ve lost you to the simple life already.”

  “Don’t be dramatic.” But she’s not wrong. There isn’t a single ounce of me that wants to return to Florida. Not in a permanent sense at least. “I’m just exploring my options.”

  Elouise’s eyes shimmer with honesty. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  With a final swipe, the stubborn rough edge is properly sanded into a smooth curve. I drop my arm with a groan. The limb hangs heavy, muscles cramping from overexertion. My entire body has the consistency of minced meat. It might’ve been wise to quit hours ago, but I couldn’t leave the project unfinished.

  A cramp seizes my lower back as I rise to my full height from the concrete floor. Rune jolts to attention at the sound of my stilted movements. The loyal mutt trots over from his bed in the corner. He’s an abandoned drifter, chased from his home like me. Our bond snapped into place the instant he wandered onto my property, and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

  I automatically bend to scratch behind his silky ears, simultaneously tugging the AirPods from my own. A dull thrum remains while I recalibrate to the quiet in my shop. “I’m all right, boy. Just sore.”

  Rune whimpers and nudges me with his wet snout. His concern shoots a spark of warmth through my stony chest, threatening to crack the impenetrable surface.

  The urge to press against that hollow ache twitches my fingers. Instead, I rub my abused palms together with a choppy exhale. Maybe sleep will find me easily for once.

  “It’s been a long day. What else is new,” I mumble the last part to myself.

  Not that there’s any reason to make that distinction. Talking to my dog is the only interaction I get. That point gives the impression I’m having an actual conversation and allows me to feel more… normal. Whatever that means.