Lost in Him Read online

  I’m not afforded the privilege to escape this prison. Seven years in solitary isolation will cripple a person mentally. I’ve lost the ability to have a fucking conversation. Not that I’d break my silence for her. The lie drives a hot stake through my temple.

  Penny.

  The name plays on repeat, haunting me on a continuous loop. It seems so innocent and prim, yet has the power to obliterate me. An image of the countless ways I’d break for her soon follow.

  “Fuck.” I grind my molars until an ache blooms. “Damn temptress.”

  Rune offers a noncommittal noise, most likely in agreement. He was all too quick to fall under her spell. If I hadn’t arrived when I did, he’d probably have adopted her as part of his inner pack. The resulting attachment would be cruel to sever.

  “Traitor.” I glare at him again.

  He snorts, tail thumping on the ground.

  “If only we could all be so calm.” My agitation forms dust clouds that I choke on. That doesn’t mean I stop burning a path into the concrete. It’s not like there’s anything else I can do.

  Penny.

  I’ve been replaying her introduction for hours. It’s seared to memory at this point. Her voice is softer than silk, and equally as devastating.

  Her identity wasn’t a secret. I have her basic information from the paperwork, but hearing the delectable syllables curl off her tongue has awoken something that’s been buried deep beneath the surface. Five minutes in her presence has rattled the solid foundation I’ve spent years building. She makes me want things I’ve long since abandoned. To flirt and fight and fuck. Be the charming punk I used to be. That’s what truly causes this riot in my blood. But I can’t allow my walls to crumble. That’s how the enemy invades.

  There’s a reason I stay secluded in these woods. People can’t be trusted. I learned that lesson early on and it was fucking harsh. That’s trapped in the past, the steel door reinforced with betrayal. It’s done and dealt with, but not wiped from memory. She’s a reminder of what I left behind. I can’t invite those complications to my house, even if she’s already right next door.

  Penny.

  The interest was mutual. Maybe that’s what really dangles me by the balls. I might not get along with people well, but even I could feel her attraction to me. Rosy cheeks and parted lips. A lingering glance I could feel stroking my cock. She couldn’t stop fidgeting. Desperation to watch her squirm under other circumstances surges to the surface. I chase those fantasies off with a scoff.

  Any initial desire she may have felt has been snubbed out. My reception toward her made sure of that. Penny tried to engage with me, and I gave her a cold shoulder. It makes me look like a simpering coward, but I’m not afraid. I don’t want to imagine what she thinks of me. A sour gurgle bubbles in my gut.

  It’s not that I can’t talk. She heard my growled commands pointed at Rune. The choice is mine, and I avoid it by any means necessary. A hollow pang reverberates through my chest. It’s a frigid souvenir of who I’ve become. All that remains is an empty shell. Anything of value or substance is gone. No one can bring those parts of me back.

  Not even her.

  Penny.

  Her parting remark taunts me. She plans for our paths to cross again. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the possibility intrigues me.

  She had the audacity to give me a nickname. Thorn. The implication is a crock of shit. As if I’d ever get close enough to prick her.

  But I almost smile. It actually sounds pretty badass. Leaving my mark on her doesn’t sound like such a chore either.

  “Dammit,” I bellow to the ceiling.

  Rune flops to his side with a gruff moan. He’s done listening to my shit. Can’t say I blame him.

  I need a distraction before I lose what little sanity lingers. My furious gaze settles on the tools scattered across the bench. I haven’t been able to concentrate on work. The gnarled oak trunk remains untouched in the corner. It’s going to be a custom table base if I ever get myself straightened out. But I find myself too preoccupied to even pick up a sander.

  The limited options lead me outside. Maybe a swim will help clear my head. Rune is fast to agree, loping ahead on the path as if he can read my mind. The water shimmers with a promise of peace from this internal battle. I’m already anticipating the bite from the cold as my boots hit the sand.

  A not-so-distant gasp whips my focus to the left. What I find brings my progress to an alarming halt. Penny is wading waist-deep in the calm depths. Her creeping pace suggests she’s still adjusting to the temperature. It seems she’s infiltrated this domain as well.

  “Fuck,” I spit. Indecision pummels me from both sides.

  The blonde bombshell isn’t aware that she has company. Her hesitation reaches me on a breeze. “Brrr, brrr, freaking brrr.”

  That almost twitches my lips, but I recall the purpose. I was attempting to escape this woman’s witchery. My spine steels when she eases forward a few inches. She’s invading each corner of my sanctuary without an ounce of remorse.

  The lake would be big enough for both of us if we weren’t neighbors. It was a mistake putting her in the cabin next to mine. I should’ve assigned her to Pine or Birch farther away. It’s not like anyone else booked them. But I couldn’t keep her in my sights if that were the case.

  The ulterior motive gives me pause. I can’t be thinking like that. She’s causing too much damage as it is. The last thing I need to do is pay more attention to her. That doesn’t mean I’m going to hide. This shore is mine, dammit.

  As if to announce my territorial claim, Rune leaps into the shallows with a resounding splash. Penny twists in our direction, eyes hidden behind oversized sunglasses. Shock unhinges her jaw and she drops into the water. She immediately springs upright with a sputter. A loud shriek follows close behind. Her arms form a protective cocoon to ward off the chill. I grunt at her scrambled display. The lake is still damn hostile in late May and takes some getting used to. She just got a harsh lesson of her own.

  Clarity attempts to take root in my muddled brain. Penny wasn’t trying to warm herself up—she was trying to hide herself from me. Maybe the little vixen is modest. Didn’t appear shy this morning, or in the middle of the night. I absently wonder what might happen if I strip down to my boxers and join her.

  “Are you just going to stand there?” Her fists are now parked on those curvy hips, erasing any assumption of bashfulness. The seductive visual she willingly provides will tent my shorts in mere moments. She’s too effective at getting under my skin.

  I wrench my eyes from her with a muffled curse. Rune is already paddling her way. His sleek form will reach her in seconds.

  “Seriously?” The word is a gritty punch.

  He slows, but not completely. The conflict ripples and swells. I’m just as drawn to her, which means I need to double down on my resistance.

  Summer hasn’t officially started. She just arrived and will decimate my control for months to come. August is a faraway blip on the radar. I can’t avoid altercations with her, but I can at least try to lessen their impact—otherwise, nothing good will come from them.

  I’m still the one to retreat. For now.

  I sip at my stiff cocktail—far more vodka than soda—and scan the dim interior. There’s not much to see beyond faded posters, dusty shelves, and wobbly tables. The dank smell reminds me of a long-forgotten basement. In short, this bar is… incredible.

  A snort shoots from me, disrupting the alcohol swirling in my glass. If only my parents could see me now. They’d never step a pompous foot inside a dive like this. It would be so far beneath them that they’d practically shrivel up on contact. Maybe that’s why I feel right at home at the humble establishment called Timbered Tavern.

  “You’re new.” The distinctly feminine voice comes from directly over my shoulder.

  My eyes are already narrowed into a skeptical squint as I turn to acknowledge her. The snarky guard is warranted—I’ve already been bitched at by
three local women in the ten minutes since I arrived. This one’s smile is a pleasant change, but that might be a fake front for her to land a painful strike.

  I quirk a brow, willing to entertain her inquisition. “What gave me away?”

  “Other than the wince you let off with each sip of Greg’s legendary overpouring?” She juts her chin at my drink, brown hair managing to shine in the dark room.

  “It’s very strong.” The sickly slosh in my stomach is proof enough.

  “And tastes like cheap shit,” she laughs.

  My nose wrinkles as I dare to swallow another gulp. “It’s… no, it’s not that bad,” I insist, laboriously downing the stuff with a smile plastered on my face.

  She levels me with a quirked brow of her own.

  “You’re a terrible liar. But I suppose you’ll build up a tolerance eventually like the rest of us lifers.” The woman thrusts an open palm at me. “I’m Lydia.”

  I clasp her proffered introduction in a quick shake. “Penny.”

  She slides her skinny ass onto the rickety stool beside mine. “What brings you to Bumfuck, Nowhere?”

  “Is that where we are? I might be lost.” I glance around in mock concern.

  A bright smile highlights her pretty features. “Funny girl. I appreciate the humor. We don’t get many visitors in Hacken, especially a single lady.”

  I can’t say that’s a surprise, but still. “Even with that concert venue at the edge of town? Excel Entertainment?”

  She waves a dismissive hand. “The renovation was a total bust. They only host concerts once a month and the talent isn’t that impressive.”

  “Really? That seems like a waste.”

  “Meh.” She shrugs. “I stopped paying attention.”

  My mouth dips into a frown. “Bummer, I was hoping to catch a show.”

  “Oh, you can. Probably snag front row too.” Lydia wiggles her brows.

  I rub my palms together. “Ah, that sounds promising. What about backstage passes?”

  “That’s not a thing ‘round here.” She pauses to give me a once-over. “Where are you from?”

  Rocks drop in my belly. “Tampa.”

  She reels backward, the ancient stool creaking in protest. “Florida?”

  “Yeah?” Not sure why that comes out as a question.

  “Long way from home,” Lydia mumbles almost absently.

  “I didn’t belong there. Consider this my second chance. It’s just getting started.”

  “And you chose this hole to begin again?” She stabs a finger into the wood counter.

  “Yep, and I couldn’t be happier.”

  “Wow, I’m gonna need something strong to wash that down with.” She signals to the bartender, who I assume is Greg. “I’ll have whatever you gave her.”

  He saunters over with far too much swagger. The wink he tacks on only adds to the cheesy display. “Comin’ right up, hot stuff.”

  Lydia clucks her tongue. “Don’t get smart with me. We’re not getting naked tonight.”

  “We’ll see how you feel after this.” He slides the glass across the chipped bar. The clear liquid splashes over the sides.

  “Sloppy,” the sassy brunette mutters.

  “If the drink fits the customer,” he returns with a crude stroking gesture.

  “Ass,” Lydia jests.

  “Hussy,” he retorts.

  Her light eyes flash with vengeance. “Oh, you better take that back.”

  He crosses his beefy arms, a cocky smirk tilting his lips. “Gonna make me?”

  I’m fully invested in their entertaining banter until Greg struts off to help someone else. “Are you two…?”

  “Absolutely not. He’s just very well hung.” She holds her hands at least a foot apart. “When the kitty demands a good and thorough dicking, he’s the one to call. I’m done with him, so feel free to get your hump on.”

  I choke on my drink at her forward comment. “I see.”

  She plays with the straw between her teeth while assessing me. “Prude?”

  “Virgin,” I admit in a hushed whisper. My flushed cheeks give me away for miles.

  Her jaw drops. “I thought those were a myth at our age.”

  “Not when you’re raised under strict rule.”

  Air hisses from her. “That doesn’t sound good.”

  A drawn-out huff signals my agreement. “But I’m here now.”

  Lydia leans in with a conspiratorial wink. “And looking to pop your cherry?”

  Nerves create a jumble in my throat. I gulp against the clump. “Eventually.”

  “Greg would very eagerly help with that.” She blindly swats in his general direction, but he’s not really my type.

  My mind flashes to Rune’s broody owner. Now that’s a mighty fine example of chiseled male glory in full definition. Oozing testosterone from his pores. My mouth waters just recalling the glimpse of his sculpted torso through the thin shirt he wore yesterday. How badly I wanted him to ditch the threads and jump in the lake. The chicken shit vanished before I could suggest it. Pretty sure I heard him cursing my name while stomping away.

  I’ll give him a reason to nibble at my bait. It’s just a matter of casting the line in the right spot. He won’t be able to resist a taste. I giggle at the mental image of reeling him in. My research on fishing is already coming in handy.

  “You sure about that?” Lydia’s voice knocks me from the lusty musings.

  I blink the remaining smoky tendrils from my vision. “Huh?”

  “Looked like you were picturing getting busy with our bartender,” she drawls with saucy enthusiasm.

  The mere mention is a wet, soggy blanket slapping against my feverish loins, effectively extinguishing any trace of heat. “No, not at all.”

  “Too sexy?” She smacks her lips at Greg.

  “Too easy,” I counter. Not to mention taken by my new friend. Something tells me she doesn’t actually want me to sleep with him.

  She props an elbow on her knee, sighing wistfully. “Ah, he’s definitely eager to please. Won’t put up a fight.”

  As if that’s appealing. Bile threatens to choke me. “Hard pass.”

  “I totally get it. You didn’t save yourself just to be plucked by the town bull.” At my blank look, she clarifies. “Everyone’s had a ride.”

  “Charming.”

  “Quite.”

  Maybe this will be considered overstepping, but she seems like the type to appreciate loose boundaries. “And you’re okay having sex with him while he’s with so many others?”

  Lydia wags a finger. “Oh, we’re totally over. I plugged the plug after catching him banging Bimbo Bettie.”

  “But before that?”

  “Well, no. Not really.” A cringe pinches her expression. “But it’s slim pickings in these parts. That’s just the way it is.”

  “How… unfortunate.” It makes me wonder how many girls are getting busy with Mr. Surly Silence.

  “It’s whatever. Most girls get clingy and possessive, but don’t worry about me. I’m not like them.” She hikes a thumb at the vicious trio that offered me such warm welcomes with sharp claws.

  I mirror their haughty glares aimed at us. “What’s their deal?”

  “They’re just worried you’re gonna swoop in and steal the only available men in Hacken. Jealous wenches. Stay far away and you’ll be fine.” Lydia waves at them with her middle finger.

  “Noted.”

  “Also, if you’re looking for decent tail, I’ll take you to Walton or Thymouth. A bit of a drive, but high-quality stock in the meat department.”

  I don’t recall those on the route, but Hacken was barely a speck. “Were you born here?”

  “And raised. Anything you need, just ask. I’m a walking map and gossip column rolled into one.” She blows on her pointed index fingertips.

  Her intel on everyone within a fifty-mile radius sparks a thought. “Do you know a guy who lives off Timbered Lake or visits regularly? Seems to be the quiet type
. He has a dog named Rune.”

  She scrunches her face. “I don’t think so.”

  Disappointment deflates my posture. “Damn.”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “I’ve had a few… minor mishaps with him.” But that’s being extremely generous. He seems to barely tolerate my presence.

  Recognition suddenly sparks in Lydia’s gaze. “Oh, wait! Is he ridiculously hot? Like, could instantly impregnate you from one smoldering glance?”

  I’m nodding in supremely jerky fashion. “Very much so.”

  “Super broody and mysterious?”

  “Yes.”

  “Didn’t talk to you?”

  “Not a word.” I slurp at the remains of my drink.

  “That’s Nash Hudson. He owns the Timbered Forest lodges.”

  I spit out my mouthful of vodka. “What?”

  Lydia’s brows hike skyward. “Nash Hudson?”

  My pulse beats to a staccato tempo. “Do you have a picture?”

  “I wish.” She bites her lip with a moan. “But it would keep me up all night.”

  Me too, I agree completely for my benefit.

  He’d make gorgeous wallpaper. It wouldn’t be too difficult to capture a candid. Creepy? Probably. An invasion of privacy? Most definitely. Is that going to stop me? Undecided.

  “He’s the owner of the Timbered Forest lodges,” I recite dumbly.

  “You’re catching on.” She pats my head in a pacifying manner.

  “That’s where I’m staying. In the Monroe lodge.”

  “And?” She rolls her wrist to motion me onward.

  That asshat is the one responsible for the oh-so-sweet complaint that was tacked to my porch. I did a bit of digging into the other cabins on the property. All sit empty.

  The only peace I’m disturbing is his.

  “It’s perfect,” I whisper.

  She squints at me. “How so?”

  “I can smoke him out.” The idea makes me positively giddy, a thrill zipping up my spine.

  “You don’t seem devious, but should I be concerned?”

  “For me? Without a doubt.” I shove away the scheming that tries to instantly take shape. “This is above my paygrade.”